A Note About Fire Alarms

[disalarming]

Dear Person Who Keeps Pulling the Fire Alarm¹,

I like to get a full night’s worth of sleep on the weekends. Unfortunately, your tendency to pull the fire alarm at some ungodly hour when I am fast asleep is really starting to be a problem when it comes to me getting uninterrupted sleep. I’m pretty sure it’s not just me you’re bothering; you’re rapidly becoming a hated enemy of three residence halls as we all have to evacuate whenever you decide to pull the alarm. I hope you can count, because that’s a lot of people to piss off.

I don’t really care why you have such an affinity for pulling the fire alarm at 3a.m. Maybe you’re pledging a fraternity/sorority, maybe you get a rush whenever you hear the blare of a fire alarm, maybe you keep forgetting that foil does not belong in a microwave when you want to heat up food to appease your cravings for a midnight snack. Whatever it is, stop pulling the fire alarm. I’m serious. You’re an ass for doing so.

Not only do you force three residence halls to evacuate in the early hours of the morning, but you’re also making us stand outside for prolonged amounts of time until the all-clear is sounded and we are allowed back inside. This isn’t as much of a problem in the summer, but it is most definitely an issue in the winter, particularly as there are still mountains of snow on campus from our recent blizzards. I’d rather not catch pneumonia or bronchitis because of your stupidity, thanks.

I suppose I should be grateful for your consideration, as you did pull the fire alarm in the early a.m. on Sunday morning the last two weekends. It could be worse, such as if you pulled the fire alarm on a week night during the next two weeks, as midterms are fast approaching…

Now is probably a good time to state that if you even think of pulling the fire alarm in the middle of the night during the week of midterms, I will have your head. Consider yourself warned.

1. I realize that the chance of it being the same person pulling the fire alarm on multiple occasions is very slim, but it is easier to direct this rant at one individual rather than a group. [↩]

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.