disalarming

If two past lovers can remain friends, it’s either they were never in love, or they still are.

I found this quote today while surfing the Internet and it was like it stabbed me in the heart. I’m going through a bit of turmoil in terms of my relationship/love life (as if it weren’t obvious), and to come across this quote right now, in the middle of all this upheaval, is… not the most reassuring. I’m not going to get into my situation or anything, but I need to know: is this true? Because I so desperately want it to be false, that it is possible to remain friends after everything, but… I’m not experienced enough with this in my own life to know whether it’s truly possible to remain friends with a past lover.

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.

It’s you. It’s always been you. Since the first time you made me smile.
- Unknown

And it will always be you. Just like I know for you, it will always be me.

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.

I could write about some ongoing occurrences in my life, but that would involve a lot of ranting and whining (my entries about having to chase people around and freaking out about a possible dental cavity are prime examples). Quite frankly, I am tired of writing such negative entries, so I’ve decided to write about proverbs instead.

Yeah, proverbs. I know that sounds random, but I’ve started surfing the web for proverbs because I think they’re unusually insightful and, at times, incredibly relevant to the world as we know it. Especially when you can put a certain proverb in a cultural context because of where the proverb originates from, such as the really awesome Russian one I found about going to church vs going to a bar.

Below is a list of some of my favorite proverbs I’ve found as a result of my web searches. Hopefully this will tide me over until I have good news to write about!

No matter how long the night, the day is sure to come.
- African proverb

Four things come not back — the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life, and the neglected opportunity.
- Arabian proverb

If you want happiness for a lifetime – help the next generation.
- Chinese proverb

Read the rest of this entry »

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.

You can’t win if you don’t play.
- Unknown

Thanks to Twitter, I can remember exactly when I came across this quote (4:57p.m. April 27, in case anyone was wondering). Unfortunately I can’t remember where I read it, but it’s stuck with me ever since. Maybe it’s because I am competitive by nature, or that nothing irritates me more than people complaining about things that could be fixed if they took some action. But there’s something about this quote that I love and it’s definitely going to be something I try to live by.

Now I really don’t have an excuse to chicken out of anything…

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.

The best way of getting over someone is getting under someone else.
- Samantha Jones, Sex and the City

Words to keep in mind when trying to get over someone. If you can do the whole hooking-up-and-not-getting-emotionally-attached thing, it works!

(Having said that, I should really take my own advice. But I digress.)

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
- He’s Just Not That Into You

While I’ve never had any experience in getting back together with anyone I’ve been involved with¹, I know that it’s never an easy situation. I’ve seen enough of my friends take a chance on getting back together with their ex, sometimes ignoring all of the advice given to them by close friends and family and going against their better judgment. For some, it’s worked out, although of course the relationship wasn’t the same as it was before the break up. For others, it’s turned out horribly and the two parties are worse off for not realizing that despite their hopes, they couldn’t overcome the issues that caused the first breakup. It’s a situation fraught with risks and the potential to be hurt in a way like no other, and while I do think there are some situations where getting back together is for the best, I think there are certain steps that need to be taken before it gets to that point.

I’ve always been adamant that if a guy breaks up with me and then asks for me back sometime down the road, I need to make the guy prove to me that he really is in it for the long haul. He needs to show me that he really, truly, totally wants me back in his life and knows just how damn lucky he is if I agree to take him back. I wouldn’t want a guy to ask for me back just because he wants someone in his life again and I happen to be there to fill the void. I want him to want me for me. I also need to know he won’t hurt me the way he did in the past. Even though we will have problems if we become a couple once more as all couples have their share of problems, they can’t be the same ones that caused our relationship to end the first time around, and both of us will need to have already worked through those issues before deciding to get back together.

One of my greatest concerns when it comes to getting together with someone the first time is whether or not I will lose him as a friend if/when the relationship ends. However, history has shown that I maintain good relationships with all the boys I’ve been romantically linked to, so it’s a worry that has (somewhat) lessened with time. But if I get back together with an ex, good terms or not, and the relationship ends for the same reason it ended the first time around, then I know I can never, ever allow myself to be friends with him again. It’s one thing for someone you care about to hurt you once. It’s quite another thing if that persons hurts you twice, especially if it was in the same way both times.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
- Chinese Proverb

Question of the Week: What do you think about getting back together with someone? Would you consider it, or are you totally against it? If you aren’t opposed to the idea, are there any requirements/musts that need to happen before you get back together with the person?

1. I’ve skirted around the situation but never actually had anything come of it. [↩]

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.

A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
- Dave Matthews

The majority of my good friends are male, and while I have been only friends with almost all of them (as in, there has been no romantic history between us), some of my good male friends and I have experimented with being in a relationship, with varying results. While there were different reasons for each relationship not working out, I have remained on good terms with all of my exes, even if the initial transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends was a little rocky. Still, though, I feel that regardless of whether or not I have dated my good male friends, there’s a certain element of attraction between us. It doesn’t matter how small or overwhelming this sense of attraction is, but the fact remains that it is there.

After years of maintaining that boys and girls can be friends without any sexual tension becoming involved, my experiences in high school and college have slowly changed my mind. I think that if a guy and a girl are really good friends, there is some degree of underlying sexual tension between the two. That doesn’t mean that either have to act upon this tension, or that it will even make a difference in the friendship, but it is still there, no matter how much tension exists. In some cases, it might require a delicate balancing act between the two parties to take care that neither slip into the dangerous “more than friends” territory, especially if the other only views the person as a friend, or weeks and months and years might pass before one realizes that all along, they’ve loved the other as more than a friend for all this time.

Question of the Week: Do you think two people of the opposite sex can be friends without any attraction whatsoever?

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.