Dealing With Guilt

Last night, I got into a tiff with my best friend. It was totally and completely 100% my fault, and I will freely admit that I was out of line. It’s hard for me to admit that I was wrong and say sorry, but in this case it was wholly necessary. And admit that I was wrong and say sorry I did – I don’t remember the last time I’ve given such a profuse and heartfelt apology before.

Luckily, we smoothed things over and have put this incident behind us. However, I’m still dealing with the guilty feelings I have about the whole thing. It’s like the guilt is gnawing away at my insides. I’ll be in the middle of doing something and start thinking about how awful I feel, or I’ll be contemplating something completely unrelated and realize that I’ve still got vestiges of guilt swirling around in my system.

I always get like this when I feel guilty; it takes over my mind and body. I’m left consumed by guilt with no idea how to work through/past it. It’s usually only when I know something is completely my fault, as I’m generally not prone to feeling guilty all the time. When I do feel guilty, though, I sure feel it; I don’t know anyone whose stomach can literally hurt from this kind of feeling.

Maybe it’s because I have an issue with forgiveness. I don’t forgive easily, and thus when I am forgiven by someone I rarely feel like I deserve it. But I gotta find some way to either never feel guilty or deal with guilt (and forgiveness) better, because this is most definitely not healthy for my mind, body, or relationships.

Cross-posted from breakthesky.net. Please leave any comments there.